Capitalizing on Chaos

Step into the fire of self-discovery. It will not burn you. It will only burn what you are not. 

- Mooji, Jamaican spiritual teacher

“I never could have predicted this.”

My wife poked her head out of the kitchen. She wondered who I was talking to. Sitting in the living room, I was looking out the back patio, staring at the jungle. A thick grove of trees stared back at me, a dense mix of palm fronds, infinite leaves and the occasional exotic bird. Outside the open patio door, just beyond the balcony, howler monkeys, sloths and iguanas hid inside those trees. All around me were things I never could have predicted. And, for a long time, I never would have allowed them into my life.

I was a long way from Alberta, Canada.

At my feet, the world’s greatest labradoodle was taking a nap. My beautiful wife smiled at me and I smiled back. The breeze through the open windows felt perfect. The gratitude was overwhelming. At last, I had found it: my kind of chaos. 

Chaos is unpredictable. Like life inside the jungle’s ecosystem. Or the choices that led me to Costa Rica. The human imagination, it seems, is always fluctuating and shifting - just as our economy and geopolitical forces move all around us. Yet, from inside chaos comes…well, what exactly? 

The answer may surprise you:

Everything.

The great French painter, Paul Cezanne, said that we live in a rainbow of chaos. 

And he was right. But chaos doesn’t always look like a rainbow.

I’m guessing you know what I mean. LinkedIn polls show that 64% of professionals feel overwhelmed by the rapid pace of workplace change. As a result, nearly 70% of workers are searching for more support and coaching than ever before. Technology is driving the chaos for many: adoption of artificial intelligence (AI) has created uncertainty for nearly half of all workers, as many are worried about being left behind. Gallup polls show that employee engagement in the U.S. is at an 11-year low.  How can companies find peak performance and accountability, inside these troubling statistics? 

Harvard Business Review says that 75% of leadership training isn’t effective, because it doesn’t address the leaders’ mindset. Chaos rules the day. 

It’s time to find a new order. Time to discover how to learn and grow in uncertain times. Time to empower leaders (and team members) with a powerful understanding, and a new capacity for turning change into progress.

The Great Training Robbery

Organizations are the victims of the Great Training Robbery. It’s time to stop the madness, and find new solutions to navigating the unknown (instead of being overwhelmed by it). Sorry, L&D pros, but this just in: training isn’t working. Leaders have to see that, without higher-level coaching, technology initiatives are pure chaos. Inside the potential of AI lives deep uncertainty, fear and frustration. Your company is being robbed of its greatest asset: the ability to collaborate, grow and lead. 

Dealing with Chaos is an Inside Job

Regardless of your title or station in life, you are your own boss. 

You don’t have to have a team of 10, 20 or 20,000 to be the boss. You are always in charge of yourself - and in charge of how you show up, in the midst of chaos.  In the company of one, how’s your engagement score?

How would you evaluate your personal leadership style? Are you kind, compassionate and understanding…to yourself?

I wasn’t. 

I had built my life around what looked like certainty. I had embraced a kind of personal and professional success that, from the outside, looked like I had things figured out. 

But on the inside? It was pure chaos. 

I wrestled with constant depression. Suicidal ideation. Corporate frustration. My boss was a nightmare, even though it looked like I was living the dream. What was wrong with me?  

Inside economic shifts, geopolitical maneuvers, unpredictable leadership choices and twisting employment markets, it’s easy to see chaos as something that’s pervasive. Uncontrollable. Overwhelming.

But consider how growth comes from chaos, not order - and you will be stepping into the premise of this book. Because, at its heart, this book is about growth. Ultimately, this book will provide you with guidance so that you can share new insights with others: your team, your family, and most importantly, yourself.  

We work hard to predict our lives, our meetings, our social calendars and our key performance indicators. However, despite our search, uncertainty still exists. 

Uncertainty is all around us. From heartbeat irregularities to indigestion, weather patterns to thought patterns, we exist inside of complex and often unpredictable systems and impulses. 

Does this fact give you pause? Concern? Heart palpitations?

Looking in the direction of personal and organizational growth, this book is designed to give you understanding inside the uncertainty. An understanding of how to not only function during times of chaos, but how to thrive inside of it. To learn new pathways towards Self-leadership, so that you can improve your career and your company - and be of greater value to the people that matter most to you. To discover what it really means to get out of your own way, redefining self-acceptance to create a new level of performance. You can find some order, and some agency, inside of change and disruption - and there’s never been a more important need for this level of understanding. 

There are many ways of looking at chaos, and seeing unpredictable patterns. The unpredictable nature of fire, for example, is part of the unpredictable nature of (wait for it) nature. Instead of looking at fractals, avalanches, weather patterns, fluid dynamics, population growth and heartbeats (all examples of unpredictable and often chaotic systems) this book looks at the human operating system. In other words, the way that you experience and adapt to the level of uncertainty that we call chaos. For the purposes of this book, the place where we experience chaos is not in observing nature - but inside the experience of our human nature. Circumstances and situations are always filled with change. Always. Fortunately, human beings are always filled with resilience. The challenge is: accessing our true nature inside of the unexpected. This book will show you how to see (and experience) chaos in a new way - a way that can help bring you back to your greatest strengths. Because chaos is something that we all access via our experience. And sometimes, that chaos is created for us by others - but always experienced inside of ourselves. 

Are you ready to find a new experience inside of puzzling behaviors? Let’s go to the source of the chaos, and discover a new way around the self-destructive self-talk. It’s time to handle perplexing and chaotic leadership choices, inside your organization (and inside of yourself). Inside our human nature, we find the chaos that needs some order.

Chaos is not a theory, it is a reality. And I am grateful for it - because it was chaos that brought me to Costa Rica. Chaos that led me to write this book. And chaos that is creating the world around us. I no longer fear the things that support me, because I understand who I am within this unpredictable ecosystem of life. 

You’re here to find some order inside yourself. And inside your business. That means identifying and addressing the real source of chaos, at an experiential level. That way, you can see new ways of showing up inside an unpredictable world. And you can help team members (and team leaders) to access the behaviors that drive growth, regardless of market conditions. 

Chaos is rejecting all you have learned. Chaos is being yourself. 

- Emil Cioran, Czech philosopher and author 

Before the pandemic, my wife and I had escaped from the snows of Alberta to attend a friend’s wedding in Hawaii.  I remember it like it was yesterday. We were walking by the ocean.  I turned to her and said, “You know, I always dreamed of living on the beach,” I told her. “Like those guys.” 

Six feet away, on our left, we saw an old-style Volkswagen camper van, with patches of rust and sand dotting its faded blue exterior. The side door of the van was open. Two suntanned dudes were selling trinkets and souvenirs underneath a yellow awning. The guys were shirtless and smiling. Talking with tourists, it wouldn’t be long before they were back in the waves and doing something else that they loved. 

My wife laughed at me when I said, “I would love to do that!” 

“What do you mean?” she said. “Sell stuff out of a van?

I loved the idea of living on a beach. I loved the idea of freedom.

The beach sure seemed nice. But the uncertainty! How could I…how would I…who would I have to be, to find that level of personal and professional freedom? First of all, I would have to be independently wealthy, I reasoned.  That way, I could “follow my bliss” right off a cliff, destroying my career and my finances without any real damage! Ha!

A part of me would never let that happen. A part of me wouldn’t let me anywhere near a ridiculous idea like living on a beach.  Living on a beach? Absurd! I could never embrace what I knew, deep down, was the real Rob - no way! Ridiculous! How could I be so vain, so brash, so foolish, as to be…myself?

But four years later, I had come to terms with that part of me that was saying “no”. 

Cut to: my wife and I moving to Costa Rica. 

A country I had never visited. And yet, here we are. 

By the way, I don’t live in a van, and I don’t live on a beach. But I found the freedom that I saw on those surfer’s faces. I found the courage to face the chaos.

And you can, too. 

You don’t have to quit your job or move to a foreign country in order to step into your true self. Inside of chaos - the uncertainty that surrounds us all - is opportunity. The key to personal and professional growth is giving yourself the permission to pursue it. And, by extension, coaching your organization to embrace it. 

Self-leadership is the first step.

Between choosing a new path, or choosing to show up differently inside the same one, we find a new order. Leadership - and leadership training - takes on a whole new meaning, as coaching comes into the conversation. Notice that we always are able to control our own actions - and our responses - to situations. So why is it that we so often choose to limit ourselves, finding reasons to suffer instead of succeed? 

Invention does not consist in creating out of a void, but out of chaos. 

• Mary Shelley, Author of Frankenstein

This book is about finding new reasons to navigate chaos in a new way. In a world of increasing complexity and uncertainty, where artificial intelligence is changing the way we live and work, the unknown can seem overwhelming. Believe me, I’ve been there - I know what overwhelm feels like. The good news is, overwhelm doesn’t have to win. You can still find your way back to yourself, and to new levels of understanding, effectiveness and collaboration, inside this book. 

This book is filled with exercises as well, so that you can not only create new habits but implement new behaviors. Look for “Breakdown to Breakthrough” as a resource inside each chapter - with action steps that you (and your organization) can take, on a journey to new habits, increased awareness and greater accountability. 

Making better decisions, having less anxiety, relieving stress: these are just a few of the personal milestones along the journey. For your organization, a culture of inclusive leadership and greater understanding is the result. Improved communication, greater collaboration, and a removal of toxic behavior all adds up to greater retention and increased engagement - inside any set of chaotic circumstances. Ultimately, from chaos comes greater growth and efficiency for the organization as a whole - if you understand how to access it. 

The journey begins with self-awareness, and an open mind. As your coach, I will help you to see things in a new way, so that you can do things in a new way. And if you’re wondering if I’m talking about you as a person, or your entire organization, the answer is yes. What’s good for you is good for your team.

Control what you can control, inside of chaos. Step towards the person you know you can be - and your team will feel the difference. And remember, you don’t have to go it alone. Picking up this book, you’ve already taken the first step. And I’m here to help you, every step of the way. 

If you are struggling with change, working for someone that doesn’t understand you, and you’re wondering if this is all there is, please remember: there’s always more. Possibilities always exist. Growth is waiting for you. 

Surrounded by idiots, bounced around by policies you didn’t ask for, blanketed by the choices of others, you always have the ability to choose how you respond. 

Because capitalizing on chaos is an inside job. Creating growth and innovation inside an organization happens one person at a time. Overcoming poor leadership, identifying new strategies, and embracing change: it starts on the inside. This book will show you where to begin, as we take a look at the destructive leadership behaviors that are ruining careers and robbing organizations of efficiency. 

Finding order inside of the external chaos, we recognize that bad behavior isn’t just something reserved for others. We all have the capacity for self-sabotage via ineffective behavior. But the good news is: it doesn’t have to be like this.

Based on years of study, as well as the work of internationally-recognized scientists and psychologists, you will discover new insights into the human operating system. I’ll share with you my own personal journey, from working with demonic bosses and toxic leaders, battling through depression, and discovering what’s waiting for all of us, in the middle of chaos: growth.

“The greatest of empires, is the empire over one's self.”

“Disorder will ruin the greatest empire.”

Publius Syrus, Latin Writer, 85–43 BC

I was coaching a water polo practice, leading my team through some difficult and challenging drills. In the heat of the moment, with everyone swimming furiously, my star player jumped out of the pool. What?!?

I had played water polo for MIT in college. Before college, I had played for the Canadian Junior National Team competing on a global stage. As you can imagine, my approach to coaching was as intense as the games I had played. There was no way my best guy was getting out of the pool - what kind of chaos was this?

My eyes nearly popped out of my head. I saw my most talented athlete just give up on himself, and on his team! As I walked towards him, fast- stepping across the concrete, I planned my verbal assault - I was furious! Still six steps away, I saw him reach into his gym bag. 

He pulled out a syringe. 

He took his insulin shot. 

In an instant, a new understanding showed up for me. 

Understanding, like insulin to a diabetic, was exactly what I needed at that moment.

 Understanding and awareness kept me from being a complete and utter asshole.  And, by extension, that understanding helped the player to get back in the game. 

Maybe you're wondering if the journey through chaos is one of awareness? 

Trust your instincts, my friend.  Let’s be aware that the word “chaos” is a way to categorize something. In our effort to explain behavior and situations that don’t make sense, we attach a label. And sometimes that label doesn’t help us to define much of anything, other than the boundaries of our frustration, anger and lack of knowledge.

After all, sometimes chaos is a good thing. Chaos can be an opportunity to shake things up - and turn things around. Chaos can force us to new levels of resourcefulness, and teach us what we are made of. Chaos can be a driver for learning new skills (such as working with AI, for example), or for moving to another city, or for moving out of a bad relationship. Chaos can be a catalyst. But when a catalyst is introduced, if you remember your chemistry, something new comes from the chemical reaction. Are you ready to be changed by chaos, even if the outcome is unpredictable?

Unpredictable leadership is often the source of unwanted chaos, and I’ve suffered needlessly because of it. 

I was working under the world’s greatest micromanager. A champion of small ball for one and all, he wanted to dive into the details on every assignment. Under the disguise of caring and concern, he was stealing my ability to do what I had been hired to do. Have you been there?

The world champion micromanager, let’s call him Zeke, asked me to do a report comparing two products from different vendors. To keep it simple, I’ll call them Vendor A & B. 

The problem was that Vendor A’s products were having a ton of problems with manufacturer defects.  Within a short amount of time,  Vendor A’s gear would break and need to be repaired.  In addition, their products that were already installed were being warranty-repaired for defects.  Their new products didn’t last, so we had no long term data. There was no track record to rely on in an evaluation.

As an MIT engineer, working for a mining company, performance and metrics mattered to me.  Vendor B had the better performance and the data to prove it.  Their products were working for a long time (10+ years) and were operating normally. Guess who I liked better?

I recommended the superior solution: Vendor B. 

Therein lies the rub.  

I smiled as I hit “Send” - transmitting my report to Zeke. 

Just 73 seconds later, I got an immediate and unexpected reaction from my boss. He popped out of his office and marched towards me in much the same way that I had stomped towards my top player on the water polo team. 

He was agitated. He talked as he walked, half-shouting from across the office: “Rob! Can you redo the report?” My colleagues stopped the scroll. They turned away from their workstations in shock. Some even stood up in their cubicles, just to see who was playing the role of Captain Chaos today.  

In the blink of an eye, Zeke was standing at my desk. 

It was British Columbia, Canada, in February. But Zeke was sweating. 

The report was solid, the research on-point. What was missing, I wondered?

“What if we removed the defect data, then what would we get?” he said.  “Can you cut the data in a different way?” he pleaded. 

He paced back and forth around my desk, looking at the floor as if he had dropped something. 

I told him I would do what he asked. I spent more time making various graphs. 

Ultimately, vendor B was always superior to A. The math didn’t lie.  I showed all of the graphs to Zeke, to see which ones he wanted to use.

None.  None of them were good enough.

Here’s the fun part.  The next day, Zeke came to my desk and stood behind me.  

He narrated what he wanted the executive summary to say, word-for-word, while I typed it in.  How fun is that?!

Was I a highly-paid engineer with an MIT education, or a typist? 

He completely fabricated the result and the conclusions in the report, to say what he knew the Vice President wanted to hear.  When he was done, we sent the report to the VP.

You can probably imagine what I was thinking: 

“Why did you hire me when you just wanted someone to make up the results that you want to share? Why don’t you just write the report yourself?” 

The over-the-shoulder maneuver felt like an attack. Like I was a puppet. Not a person. My work and my character were dismissed.  I became both a tool and a fool for my boss, as chaos seemed to color my world. 

Then I realized why I was here. I was the middleman - the human shield for a business decision that might come back to haunt me. But not my boss, because Zeke was technically “not involved”. 

“You’re going to lie to your boss and put my name on the report,” I thought to myself. As I began to understand what was going on, things didn’t look quite so chaotic. They were becoming painfully predictable. 

A few days later, Zeke came back to twist the knife. Part of being the world’s greatest micromanager means that you have to smile while you twist it in. And he did his job.

“Rob, the VP loved your report.  Great work!” His smile was so wide he looked like a six-year-old seeing an Xbox for the first time.

He was proud to tell me that the VP liked “my” report.  

For me, the recognition was a slap in the face.  I didn’t write the report. He was attributing my name to a lie.

I definitely don’t condone deliberately manipulating data to lie to your bosses’ boss.  In fact, this maneuver was completely contrary to what I reported - and to who I am.

This incident is a demonstration of how internal chaos controls our leadership.  Unpredictable inputs led to uncertain outputs - and even when I was able to produce, I was reduced from what I knew I was truly capable of delivering. If we let chaos control us, we destroy our people’s ability to be at their best. That’s what happened to me. The world’s greatest micromanager was clearly in fear (for his job, for his boss’s favor, for whatever).  That fear was pushed onto me. At the time, I didn’t understand what was going on and that’s why it felt like I was drowning in chaos.

I don’t know about you, but toxic leadership doesn’t work for me. Today, toxic culture is driving people to quit, crushing employee engagement scores and robbing companies of both efficiencies and new revenues. If retention matters to your organization, consider how to train for it - making your teams “leadership proof”, via guidance on ownership, Self-leadership and accountability. 

Today, toxic leaders are doing even more harm to organizations than ever before, creating environments of mental anguish instead of psychological safety. That’s why it’s vital to explore how to help employees deal with toxic leadership, as a foundational element of capitalizing on chaos. 

And as more and more organizations turn to self-directed work teams, the ability to self-regulate and innovate has become more necessary than ever before. 

This little exercise with Zeke violated everything that I value in life. Things like honesty. Integrity. And doing a good job. My values and my actions were in conflict. 

The world champion micromanager had won this round. But the battle was not over. 

Maybe you’re wondering, “Rob, why didn’t you just quit?”

First of all, quitting isn’t always the solution. It’s naïve to assume that another job is just a click away. It’s not. 

There are bills, obligations, and commitments to consider. The decision to quit isn’t like turning off a light switch. 

And change, at the time, wasn’t a switch I could make so easily. 

When quitting is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, it’s not a good idea. I felt a sense of chaos and frustration. But I wasn’t ready to make an irreversible decision to leave. 

Plus,  it’s been said that, “Everywhere you go, there you are.” Sometimes leaving is the right thing to do, even if you don’t have your next move lined up. But the real challenge with Zeke wasn’t my courage around quitting. There was something deeper going on. 

I was unable to choose to leave my job because of the chaos in my own mind.

My boss was so self-unaware to the point that it was destroying my mental health. My mindset was the thing that had to change - and eventually, it did. As a result, I was able to move on in my career and in my life. But not before a lot of self-reflection - plus a concentrated dedication to coaching, personal performance, and self-worth. 

Here’s the real challenge, when toxic leadership created chaos for me: instead of seeing other options, and other possibilities, I saw myself as the problem. 

I know something now that I didn’t know then. 

I’m not the problem. I’m the solution.

And so are you. 

I’ve coached hundreds of executives, entrepreneurs, world-class athletes, media personalities and global celebrities. Not only that, but I’ve had the opportunity to work with some of the greatest coaches in the world, in both athletics and business. My personal journey of self-discovery, combined with a dedication to coaching principles, is designed to help you to change your behaviors - and change your results - no matter what kind of chaos you are facing right now. 

Because I know that progress is always possible, when we begin with an open mind. Where your journey starts is never where it ends - believe me, I know. 

Originally from Ottawa, Ontario, Canada, I went to MIT and played on the water polo team, where I was a three-time Academic All-American. I played on the Canadian Junior National Water Polo Team, and worked in industry, as an engineer and consultant for ten years - mostly in Alberta and British Columbia. I’ve spoken internationally on TEDx stages, and I currently work in executive coaching & professional speaking - helping people just like you to create greater ease, confidence and impact. I’m on a mission to turn chaos into opportunity, and to change companies from the inside out. 

Today I’m grateful for Zeke - because his lack of character helped me to redefine my own. The cost of chaos, for an organization, doesn’t have to affect your bottom line results.  No matter what you’re facing at work, or who you’re facing it with, remember that chaos is a temporary circumstance. Often it’s a simple misunderstanding - a scary label, misapplied to a situation, when we can’t see other options. The cost of the misunderstanding can be significant - but there are rewards inside a new perspective on chaos.

A micromanager boss doesn’t have to define you, or your values, or your worth. And you don’t have to be a bad boss to yourself, telling yourself lies and expecting to find the truth. I’m talking about lies like,  “You are worthless”.  Or that you don’t matter. That you are the error that needs to be corrected. That your work and effort and skills are invisible. None of these thoughts are true.

Imposter syndrome is a dangerous game, because it’s a game where no one wins. Chaos is built on uncertainty. When we live inside a lie of the mind, we can’t respond to what really needs our attention. Chaos can be applied to many situations and circumstances. But ultimately, “chaos” is a label that we apply to the unpredictable nature of life. When uncertainty goes beyond a certain threshold, which varies on an individual basis, we experience doubts, fears, control issues and the entire gauntlet of triggered negative emotions. We can’t respond to what is happening because we are so far gone into our own heads and our own stories.

But given that no one can predict the future, chaos (change) is a constant. How do we function, when chaos is all around us? When people don’t support us? When changes unexpectedly hit us? 

The first step is to remember the difference between a label for uncertainty (chaos) and what it is that you do know. You know that you are capable. You know that you are resourceful. You know that you have many tools (including AI) at your disposal. And you know that uncertainty and discomfort don’t have to go together. You can be uncertain about something, and you don’t have to suffer. Or did you forget that?

Clarity is the first step. Especially when it comes to identifying (and dealing with) chaotic and toxic leaders.

There’s a bigger game on offer here, if you are willing to play. A game that will impact the way that you show up for yourself, your team and your organization. Inside this game, you turn chaos into a competitive advantage. Ready to play?